I had wondered in part 1, if I had ruined my life, if I could actually open my heart again to share it, and my life and my home, happily with another soul.
I’m glad to say that I can, I am, and I’m feeling happier and more creative than ever— and that’s a bold statement!
I’m committed to living a life that’s full of adventure, color and movement, joy, and love- and I insist on doing that from the “marvelous messy middle” with ALL of the feelings in my emotional family.
Here we are on screen in my online virtual world – a marvelous membership called Succulent Wild World, when David dropped by to offer a prayer for all of us.
In my experience, I had to feel all my feelings first- including wondering if I had “ruined my life”- in order to discover and feel that I hadn’t.
Thank you ALL for your wise and wonderful comments. I love and appreciate them! Here are some favorites:
“I love that after you and David shared your fears, your apartment expanded exponentially!! This leaves me pondering the power of vulnerability and love to transform outside the scope of our rational minds. Pure magic! Pure life! Love to you and to David.”
“Gratitude for lifting the curtain of the ‘happily ever after’ to reveal the extraordinarily complex, cathartic and courageous now. This feels like a real life, wholehearted free-ing tale instead of a ‘fairytale’. Free from expectations. Free to explore where the edges of your worlds merge. Free to love and stumble and love again. A thousand blessings to you both for sharing. Your love is healing for me to witness and I’m sure I’m not alone in that. Much love”
“Ha ha I had the same thoughts as David- you’re just a boy and a girl wanting to play together :). It’s never easy for those of us who cherish our space, but it’s SO worth it!”
“Thanks so much for sharing your magical love journey with the world! To be honest, I have been very afraid to invite a loving and intimate partner in my life. I absolutely am embracing the idea of dating the world and being in love with everyone! I am also enjoying how your relationship with David is evolving and how you are making room to love one another.”
And I also write to share what I’ve learned, experienced and am learning. My intention is for others to benefit from my experience, lessons and insights. I wrote and write all my books for me first- to discover how I felt, and then share them to connect with, or illuminate other souls.
Thanks for being one of those connected and illuminated souls.
SO…….. how did I “get happy” sharing my home and life with David??
I have a 2 bedroom home and a Magic Cottage next door to each other in San Francisco, where I’ve lived primarily by myself by choice for over 25 years. My fiancé John was the exception to that and I loved living with him for almost 4 years until he died in 2016. One of the many gifts of his death, was that I learned so much from both him, and the world, about loving and being loved.
Love itself is the supreme teacher, and brings up everything unlike itself, so after that experience I vowed to never live with anyone again. I feared that all my feelings about the loss of John were too immense to experience ever ever again.
I decided instead that I would date the world, and wrote about that too. I had discovered that my strongest healing route was to “grieve deeply and live wildly,” and accept all the succulence the world has to offer. Or as my brother Andrew said when I wondered how I could ever allow myself to be happy again,
“Oh Susan, just get into the elevator and push all the buttons.”
David arrived into my life last May on my Inspiration phone line, (415 546 3742 freely offered 24 hours a day) being drawn to my having written about dating the world, and loving that about me. He shared that he loved living that way too.
We immediately began communicating deeply and vulnerably and became very close friends before we actually met in person 4 months later. During our conversations, we developed wonderfull habits of praying and meditating together almost every day.
In those months of talking and sharing, we shared the all of allness of ourselves, and David listened well. He welcomed all my feelings and encouraged me to share them all in detail- and he shared his fears too.
That emotional foundation is why I could “move all my furniture,” and move out of the art studio I had used for over 20 years in order to make room for David to have his own room, as well as room in my life.
That emotional foundation also allowed me to feel confident that when negative emotions came up, we as a team would work together creatively to create joyfull solutions together. That’s an important part of my feeling safe in sharing my fears and vulnerabilities with David, and hearing his.
Moving out of my art studio was the kind of substantial physical change I hadn’t been ready to make with John. As close as I’d been with John and as much as I loved him, we had kept all the furniture in place. Bless John for knowing that that’s what I needed at that time, and being someone who could live so gladly with that. I had offered to make changes, and he thought we should wait. The love I shared with him helped me to become the person today who can open up to new love- which is in fact, what he told me would happen.
I knew that David would thrive with his own bedroom, and that I would too- I just didn’t see how it could happen. My art studio held my chaise lounge, my art table and all of the various cabinets, shelves, bookcases and art STUFF.
It also held space for all of my feelings, and the spaciousness that I felt were necessary for my being able to create and live happily. I treasured the inner happiness and spaciousness I had experienced with David in Massachusetts, and intended to create more of that together in San Francisco if we could.
So, we arrived together on Dec 8 to begin our 4th “spiritual honeymoon” — I had flown to Massachusetts once each month in September, October, and November—and the grand adventure of living together.
I’d explained to David that I would be working for the first 2 weeks of his living here, and we wouldn’t be able to move anything yet, and he happily agreed.
I’d then wisely scheduled 3 weeks off from work to start and complete the transformational moving process. I knew it would involve sorting, recycling and donating many things.
I want to acknowledge here the privilege I have to even have stuff, and to have the time off from work to sort through it. I lived for many years without any of that, and know that many other people don’t have the time or resources to donate, repurpose, or relocate their stuff.
I grew up with parents who over accumulated “stuff,” so I had experienced first hand, how out of control “stuff” can get. I’m glad that I chose differently in my life.
I’m also so glad to say that David and I kept focusing on creating joyfull solutions- which go beyond compromise- to create two rooms that are much better than what I had before! I would never have believed this could happen at the start.
Many years ago, I created a method called MicroMOVEments- and we used those throughout the whole process. It helped us complete everything easily without getting overwhelmed.
David loves his room too. And now that I moved things around in my bedroom I have a perfect spot for my art table right in front of my bay windows. Somehow my chaise lounge fits perfectly, along with my cabinets, bookcases and all my art supplies too!
Now after rearranging my home I find that I’m creating brand new art and writing! And I feel even MORE INSPIRED to create and share more with the world. Living with and loving David feels like being with myself ONLY BETTER.
David’s love, willingness and flexibility were such a profound gift as I deconstructed and reconstructed the spaces with his help.
And of course it was all about more than the stuff or the rooms, or anything material. It was all about the heart and the spirit and the spaces that love makes inside the heart. I continue to be amazed and delighted at how magically love moves when we yield to its power and flow. I’ll be sharing more about that with you too as we journey along~