The abbreviated version: We’ve changed our wedding date & here’s what I learned and experienced about it. Also how you might apply these learnings to your own life.
Dear Love Beaming Brightly,
When we planned our wedding for April 4, we consulted with our hearts and calendars, and because I’m me, our astrologer.
I wrote a blog post here, inviting you to save the date and attend our wedding by livestream in your pajamas.
We still like this idea.
All was well.
It was to be a lunar eclipse, which felt perfectly suited.
When our friend Val, who is going to officiate said to me, “I just think that date is going to move,” I practically shouted into the phone, “How can you even SAY that! It’s all set!” That is the worst thing you could say to me now.”
She apologized and said she’d tried not to say it, but she felt it…
On a hike that day, I brought up the subject with John, and we discussed the possibility of changing the wedding date and why we might want to do so.
After turning in the first draft of our new book in the beginning of the new year, Succulent Wild Love: Six Powerful Habits For Feeling More Love More Often, we had both manifested some health challenges- minor ones, but a bit consuming.
As we started editing our great big beautifull book, I began to feel pressured by the fast approaching date but didn’t even consider changing it. (I’m a recovering overachiever who sometimes unknowingly assigns myself WAY too many things.) I’m also excited by life, fun opportunities and wanting to do EVERYthing, and often all at once.
I had a huge inner critic attack that told me it would be a failure to change our wedding date. It would be a “bad sign.” It would show that I was “scatterbrained,” a person incapable of commitment. “People will think we’re just making excuses and secretly don’t want to get married” (Inner critics are ruthless when they see an opening or weakness. And believe me, there were even more accusations.)
I first began to realize that something might be amiss when friends would simply ask, “How is the wedding planning going?” and I felt like screaming in response that there was no time, no time at all.
It began to feel that our wedding was being impossibly wedged in between everything else, but I just kept surging forward, unwilling to even consider the possibility that it might feel good to just move it.
On the hike with John that day, we briefly considered it, and came up with some solidly practical reasons why it wouldn’t be good or easy to do so- family traveling, bookings made, etc.
And we decided it was just easier to keep the same date.
The next day, I recounted these reasons to Val, and she calmly refuted every one of them. (She’s good like that.) I just sat and cried on the phone with her as I finally gave myself permission to: just. change. the. date.
After my conversation with Val, I talked with John about it, and kind of shyly brought up the subject (various inner critics were still active), and he just simply said, “Sure- let’s change the date.”
When I replied that I didn’t want to set the new date until it organically emerged, he said,
“That sounds perfect.” (He’s good like that.)
And we wrote an email together letting close family and friends know about the change.
Of course everyone was supportive,
enthusiastic and understanding in response.
All the ways I wasn’t being to myself.
It felt like SUCH a relief.
About a week later, I briefly tried to set a new date that was also not quite right.
I realized pretty quickly that I was doing the same thing again- choosing the date from the place of the problem (pressure) instead of the place of the new solution (joy).
I want a wedding date and wedding that feels easy, joyfull and serendipitous– the way I live my life most of the time.
And since I live my life in the “marvelous messy middle” I know that life isn’t always convenient, or perfectly timed, or without difficulties or annoyances. It’s often surprising, sweetly nourishing, deliciously unknown, and wildly rewarding.
I also know that when I select the best kind of timing and conditions for me and my particular idiosyncrasies, it always works out so much better.
I’m claiming “so much better” now with our wedding date selection too. I’m allowing my inner wise self to be in charge and not the inner critics.
I’m taking a stand and a lie down:-) for my choices being made from a place of loving, intuitive knowing and trust, instead of PUS (Pressure, Urgency, Scarcity) or FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt.)
And as John and I solve and resolve any health challenges, complete our book, and teach what we live and practice, we will welcome reminding ourselves that we are exquisitely guided at all times- as we ALL are- by our inner wise selves and knowings, and divine timing.
And when my beloved sister-in-law Jennifer replied to our changed date email, she said the best thing ever to us,
“I’m saving the future for your wedding.”
And so, we shall.
And we shall advise when the organic timing emerges from a place that is LIT (Loving, Intuitive, Trusting) from within.
SARK (aka Simply Allowing Radiant Kindnesses)
Dr. John Waddell (aka fiancé of SARK)