I am moved to honor all the loss and all the love on this Fourth of July in America


I am also moved to highlight INTER-dependence more than independence just now.

Independence is so highly valued that people feel “needy” when they need each other, and don’t ask for help or support from others because they fear they don’t deserve it, or will be judged for being needy- that they should “get it together” and not need anything.

When my former fiancé John was dying in 2015 and 2016, I needed a LOT of things.

 One time, I called our “Made of Honor” dear friend Amy, and confessed to feeling like an

“endless ball of f***ing need” 

and Amy replied, 

“Oh honey, we’re all just endless balls of f***ing need.”

It felt like such deep relief to put down the pressure of being so independent all the time and accept love and care.

I wonder why independence is celebrated so fiercely when there is so much isolation and fear.

I dream of a different way- an interdependent way- where we learn to recognize that we are all connected and related to one another, and love & live that way. Where all Black Lives Exquisitely Matter as much as our own, and that we lift each other up and care for each other intrinsically in all ways.

Of course this more interdependent way of living will require that we change everything. 

Our human lives are relatively short, and we somehow live with the reality that we will lose everything.

Except the love.

Love stands tall.

In our celebrations of independence, I propose leaving room for studying about the interdependent systems in our lives:

Who and what are we connected to, (everyone and everything) and how can we grow in that?




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responses so far (what you share will be loved and appreciated)

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