[OLO] Experiment #1
I used to make lists upon lists. I would write down all the things that I wanted from a man. I didn’t list normal things like height or eye color- I made intricate and detailed lists that included things like “wide heart, perhaps slightly shaggy.”
And then after we were together, I would make lists of all the ways he didn’t live up to my standards. All the ways he failed me or disappointed.
And when the list got long enough, it was time for him to go.
You can imagine that this was pretty exhausting for both of us.
And on top of it I was creating lists that limited all the great people who could actually come into my life. (If I would have listened to my old list – there would have been no John in my life. Not only was he shorter than me, when we met he actually lived half way across the country.)
But that doesn’t mean that lists are all bad. It just turns out I was listing the wrong things.
Experiment 1: Creating Your Love List
I want to invite you to create a new list – a love list. For now, release the need to describe your particular lover. Instead, describe the experience of love that you’d like to have. If you are soulfully single and calling in a partner, describe the experience of that relationship. If you would like to shift the experience of the relationship you are currently having, describe the experience of relationship you’d like instead.
Here’s the list that I shared in Succulent Wild Love:
Here’s a little secret – When you invite the experiences you want into your life, you actually become a part of creating them. If you want someone who sees you, you make sure you are seen. If you want hot sex, you do your part to make that happen. When you claim the experience you are creating you become a co-creator rather than a consumer just waiting for the dream man or woman to show up.
Declare Your List
Simply creating your new list will begin to open your heart to experience possible partners in a whole new way. And, if you share your list with others it gives it the power of declaration.
Take a moment now and share your list with someone you trust. You can always share your list on our Facebook group. You’ll likely inspire someone else in their Overt Love Experiment.
Loving you luminously,
[OLO] Experiment #2
Did you know that there are angels to your left and your right, in front of you and behind you, that are ready, willing and able to support you in your love journey. Some of these angels will be friends, others may be family and some may even be strangers. I had a lot of these angels in a group that I joined called a “consciously singles wisdom circle.” When I finally got brave enough in a small group to declare that I wanted someone to love and adore, who would love and adore me, they supported me resoundingly, and reflected my own desire back to me.
I know that not every family member or friend is our best ally here. Some of them want something totally different than you want for yourself. Others may not see the incredible human being that you are. (It’s hard for them to see your light if they can’t see their own.)
Experiment #2: Recruit your love support team
Sports teams and businesses have cheerleaders and support teams, so doesn’t it make sense that you should have your own in your Overt Love Operation?
(You’ll want to make sure you’ve completed your Love List from Experiment 1 for this. If you haven’t go back and do that now.)
For some of us, asking for support can be hard. If it has been hard for you, just remind yourself that your angels are just waiting for you to ask. When you are ready for them, even if you don’t know who they are yet, they will appear.
So let’s get started.
Step 1 – Brainstorm. Let yourself be wild here. Write every name that pops into your mind when you ask the question, “who can help me in my Overt Love Operation?”
Step 2 – Asking and listening to your inner wise self – choose who you would like to invite to support you. You decide how big this list is. For some of you, it might be three people and for others it might be 30.
Step 3 – Decide how you would like them to support you. This is up to you and it may change. Some of the ones that have been on my list are:
Be my cheerleader – pep talks welcome
Help me pick out clothes (I hate to shop)
Introduce me to great people
Look at my dating profile (I’ve met amazing people online)
Going out to events with me
Remind me how awesome/loveable I am
You can put anything you want on your list. And different people may play different roles.
Step 4 – Invite your support team. You’re ready to assemble your team. I imagine that you will actually find this to be a magical experience.
Simply make your request. You can call or email. Just let your team know you’d love their help and what they can do. This is one of the sweetest requests most people will ever get, so your chances of yes is very high. But If someone says no, please just thank them and ask someone else. Trust that they aren’t the right angel for you right now.
A quick example
Here’s an example that Scott sent. The response was amazing!
I’ve gotten so inspired by SARK’s Overt Love Operation that I’ve decided to launch one my own. It’s time to get soulfully single me into a beautiful new relationship and I would love your help.
If you are up for being part of my love support team, here’s my request.
You remind me what you think are my best qualities. (It’s hard to see these in myself sometimes.)
2. You keep an eye out for amazing potential partners for me. Here’s a quick description of what I’m looking for:
Lover of life and dreamer of big dreams seeking partner to share the adventures of life with. Together let’s laugh, explore, wander the Earth, read great books and discuss, stay home and cuddle. I’m a teacher, sometimes a clown, an explorer and a seeker. Partner should be ready to live life fully, love deeply and know who you are. Please be kind, compassionate, touched by the beauty of life, and open to new possibilities.
3. Simply send loving thoughts and energy my way. I know the power this brings too!
Let me know if you are up for this.
Lots of love,
Go through this quick process. It will take you less than 20 minutes. And then let us know how it goes. Share your thoughts, experiences, requests on our Facebook group.
Loving you like the miracle that you are
[OLO] Experiment #3
Dear Love Bunny,
I’m basking in the amazingness of all that I’ve already seen in the Overt Love Operation! What a beautifull adventure we are on. Whether you’ve done everything or just getting started, I want to encourage you, [First Name], to keep doing. Every invitation that our experiments make is an invitation for your heart to open to love just a little more and then a little more.
Today, I want to remind you of how wise you really are in love. Sure, you might have made some bad choices but there is a part of you that is wiser than you can imagine. I like to call it your Inner Wise Self. This is the part of you that knows every part of you since before you were born and connects into an energy that is bigger than you at the same time.
And your Inner Wise Self is ready, willing and able to support you at any moment you choose. You just have to ask. I usually do this by inviting my Inner Wise Self to write a love note to me – all its communications are really love notes.
Experiment #3 – Write a love note from Inner Wise Self
Writing what I call love notes is a great entry point for asking. Writing is kinesthetic and engages the mind, body, and spirit. It allows your Inner Wise Self to express clearly.
How to Write a Inner Wise Self Love Note
Simply take a few deep breaths and connect into your own Inner Wise Self. (It may take a few times to really connect deeply if it’s been a while but it never goes away.) Then let yourself write for two or three minutes. You can write freeform or ask your Inner Wise Self a question and see what it responds with.
I thought I’d share one that I think you might relate to:
Here’s one of my inner wise self love notes.
Go ahead and give yourself 3 delicious minutes to write your own Innew Wise Self Love Note now. You may be surprised at what it has to say. When you are done, if you like, share your note with our Facebook group.
Loving you in all-ways,
[OLO] Experiment #4
Sometimes on our love journeys, our crabby inner critics jump in with their opinions, complaints, excuses and reasons why love will never come our way. It’s easy to get caught up in all of that nonsense but you don’t have to. You can choose another way.
Two Big Things to Remember About Your Inner Critics
First, your inner critics are trying to be your allies. Their intention is, above all else, to keep you safe. But they are talking to your fear brain rather than your Inner Wise Self. This leads them to try to do anything to keep you out of harm’s way even when those actions will actually harm you. (I didn’t say they were smart.)
Second, you are in charge. Even when you’re inner critics are running rampant, remember who’s the boss. You! You get to decide which voices you are going to listen to and which ones you will ignore. They only have the power over you that you give them.
Experiment #4: Actually, …
When we realize that our inner critics are simply working to trying to try to keep us safe, but they don’t have access to our best resource – our Inner Wise Self – the solution gets clear really fast. We have to introduce the fears and confusions of our inner critics to our Inner Wise Self.
I’ve created a quick, one step process to help you do this. And there’s a PDF guide sheet attached to this document that will help you do it.
You are going to allow your Inner Wise Self to take back it’s proper role as driver.
Simply identify whatever objection that your inner critics are making and then, starting with the word “Actually”, you’ll let the Inner Wise Self speak. This is not about arguing with your inner critics or proving any part wrong. It’s simply an invitation to let the most grown up part of you be in charge.
Here’s a few examples:
|Inner Critic Nonsense||Inner Wise Self – Actually|
|You’re too fat for anyone to love.||Actually, there are lots of fat, skinny, tall, short…people in great relationships.|
|You’ve been single too long.||Actually, you’ve learned a lot of great things while you were single that will really help you be in a great new relationship.|
|All the good people are already taken.||Actually, I’m one of the good people and I’m not taken yet so that can’t be true. And, actually there are lots of great people I know who are also single.|
|You’re too old to be in a new relationship.||Actually, couples meet at all different ages. Plenty of people my age meet and fall in love all the time.|
Now go ahead and create your own list. You can add to it later. Just get started practicing the actually statements. Once you’ve been doing this for a while it will just be automatic for you whenever a new inner critic chimes in.
Please share some of your “Actually” statements on our Facebook group as well as what it was like for you to engage your inner critics when your Inner Wise Self has your back.
Loving you incandescently,
[OLO] Experiment #5
Yes, you, You are beautiful!
And how sad it is that so many of us have such a hard time seeing this. We are here to shine like diamonds and somehow we’ve been fooled into thinking we are just lumps of coal.
I get it. I’ve experienced that myself. It took me many years to be able to look at myself in the mirror and love the woman who was looking back – and I’m still practicing!
Changing Your Lenses
If you are looking at yourself through the lens of imperfection it’s easy to miss all the beauty. It’s easy to see just brokenness, cellulite and reasons why no one will love you. But we already know that’s just a bunch of nonsense, usually perpetrated by our inner critics in an effort to keep us safe.
So let’s change out the lenses. You’ve probably heard that we teach people how to treat us. We show them everyday. When we treat ourself with anything less than love, we teach other people to do the same. We are silently and energetically telling them that we are unlovable.
But when we treat ourselves with love, kindness and compassion, we show people that we are worthy of all the love that life has to offer.
Self Hug Love
One of my favourite things to do to change my mood in an instant and treat myself really well is self-hugging. When I first started doing it, it felt a little silly. But it feels so good that I just kept on doing it. Now I do it on the subway, at the bank, anywhere I need a little love. It activates all the same hormones when someone you love hugs you.
If you haven’t already tried it, go ahead and give yourself one minute and do it now. If you have, just notice how good it feels to give yourself that much love. When you’re ready, increase the time to 2-3 minutes. If you do this in bed, you can roll around and kiss your shoulders and arms and say terms of endearment. When you get up, you’ll feel like 10 good friends have hugged you.
Experiment #5 – Your Beautifull Self List
Now that you’ve got yourself in that delicious, deLIGHTfull self loving space, I’m going to invite you to make a new list. I call this your Beautifull Self List and the experiment is very simple. Write down everything you love about yourself.
The more you are able to see the parts of you that are beautifull, the easier it is for others to see them too. It’s like dropping the invisibility cloak and letting everyone see the wonderfull person who has been hiding in plain site.
Here’s an example of a list I made:
Now make your own list. A few reminders. First, the length of your list isn’t important. Second, the size of the things you love aren’t important. You can love your left pinky toe (I do.) The practice of seeing what you love about yourself will help you see other things. Third, this list is just for you. You can be as bold and wild as you like. No one has to see it unless you choose to show it to them.
Now write your list.
When you are done with your list, allow yourself to hold the filter of what you love about you the rest of the day. Share any of your list that you would like on our Facebook group and let us know how the experience was for you.
Loving you in quantum ways,
[OLO] Experiment #6
When I first met John, he told me that he would see me as perfect, and that any way that he didn’t, was his responsibility. This sounded like a great idea to me until I realized that it meant that I would need to do the same back to him.
For someone who kept lists of the ways lovers didn’t meet my expectations, this seemed like a tall and distinctly impossible order. But the more I experienced being seen as perfect, as whole, the more I could let that side of me be seen.
Your Gift to Others In Your Life
Seeing others as “perfect” doesn’t mean ignoring harm they do or pretending. It just means practicing looking at them through the eyes of love. People tend to meet our expectations of them. When we are looking at them through the eyes of brokeness, fault and blame – they show up accordingly.
But when you can start to look people as whole – through the lens of love – you begin to give them permission to be that person. You give them permission to be the love that’s longing to arise in them, that is arising every moment. What a gift to another to be the cheerleader for their arising love.
Experiment #6: Seeing Through the Eyes of Love
To get our experiment started, simply choose anyone in your life that you want to begin to feel your heart open even more to right now. (Start with people you like and, when you are ready, you can extend this practice out to people you don’t like.)
Release the question of do I like them or not. That’s a personal preference that doesn’t have much to do with love. Instead, ask yourself where you can see love, beauty, compassion and goodness in this person. It’s helpful to write a list down. Remember, you can start really small.
Optional – When you have completed your list share an appreciation with them. For example, “Sarah, I really appreciate how kind you are to children. Thank you.” If you are willing to do this extra step you might see the magic of the other person really being seen.
You are going to have fun with this experiment because it just feels so amazing – a little bit like sinking into a hot tub of love. You’ll be warm all over.
Loving you completely,
[OLO] Experiment #7
Can you believe we have arrived at our last experiment in our Overt Love Operation. I’ve been loving this journey with you – feeling inspired, excited and de-LIGHTed to watch so many love miracles occur this week!
And you don’t have to stop. I hope you’ll continue to design your own experiments and keep your experiments going.
Your Inner World
One of the most important things that you can do as you move forward in your Overt Love Operation is to tend to your inner feelings. Your inner world is like a beautiful garden where love can blossom and grow. And yet, sometimes the garden can get filled with weeds of anger, fear, bitterness and resentment. You’ll want to tend to your inner world in order to keep your love flowing freely.
Experiment #7: Tending Your Inner Garden
Tend to your garden of feelings daily with a 5 second Inner Feelings Care Awareness practice. Simply notice “negative” feelings when they occur, by naming them. You say the name of the feeling out loud; “Sadness, I see you, I hear you, I acknowledge you.” This allows sadness to soften and change shape. When your feelings know they’re being seen and loved, they don’t need to get louder and larger. Most people try to deny, avoid and repress feelings, which doesn’t work. This new awareness of your feelings will allow more love to arrive.
I encourage you to keep your Overt Love Operation going on and on. If you want more support and ideas, order John’s and my book Succulent Wild Love: Six Powerful Habits for Feeling More Love More Often. Our Overt Love Operation has been based on many of the principles in the book. It also comes in a full art and color digital format!
Also, keep practicing with the kindred spirits in our private community! I’ll be popping in periodically to read and see how your Overt Love Operations are developing.
Loving you endearingly,