My Dearest Life Appreciator,
I have a whole new perspective on life these days. I’ve realized I can create new perspectives about anything – any communication, any conversation, any confrontation – because nothing can feel as bad as first hearing my beloved partner John’s cancer diagnosis.
It was the ultimate “bad news” for me. And yet, it has also been, and continues to be, one of the richest fields for healing, transformation, upliftment, and creation. And as John heals and transforms this experience, it continues to multiply the goodness.
I’m amazed as the good that has arisen as well. Absolutely amazed.
Like our LoveBoat campaign – now in its final week. What was started as a contribution to us has expanded to be a contribution to the hundreds who have received the beautifull, inspired, and discounted gifts and programs available as “perks”.
I invite you to look today and see if what you want and have been desiring is available to you for at a very special – and healing – discount.
I also want to share a couple of my journal entries from the private update site that John & I both have used throughout this journey to update our close friends & family. May these empower your healing journey… whether it be one of big healing, or the “ordinary” healing we all need every day.
Let all the healing continue and expand…
From August 21st – Musical Tumors
John has concluded the 3rd round of chemo- he’s temporarily in an unreachable part of his mountain climb- the regrouping period where he goes deep & doesn’t communicate. This is one of the hardest times for me- because I can’t help him in my familiar ways.
Of course I know I help him with my presence and my love, but when I can’t communicate “as usual,” I can tend to freak out. So I’m communicating about it here and in the telepathic realms.
Also, he had an ultrasound and the results came back yesterday, one tumor has shrunk, another has grown slightly, and another one is making itself known. I’m being deliberately less specific here for John’s privacy and to provide spaciousness for the organs involved. I wanted to let you all know here in a way that feels most supportive to me/us & this is what I came up with.
I decided to call these “musical tumors,” much like musical chairs- because I know that they change all the time. And I like putting words together that don’t aren’t usually seen together:-)
We will meet with his oncologist Caroline, about her recommendations after the 4th chemo in 2 weeks. There will be a CT scan with more information then too.
Meanwhile, I’ve spoken with a medical advisor about the results of this ultrasound “snapshot in time,” and creating more spaciousness for the unknown- and how the standard medical model generally believes that tumors grow & kill people, and that John & I and most of us here (I say most because we don’t all need to believe the same things to support each other) generally believe that tumors can shrink and go away and teach people something they wanted to learn. And that people can be healthier as a result.
Still, it feels really scary and uncertain and vulnerable in the middle. I’m experiencing extreme vulnerability in the midst of this, and am trusting more than ever in sharing about it all along the way. I’m/we’re receiving so many gifts and blessings in so many forms. We are both so glad to share our experience here. Your comments, compassionate witnessing, love and presence really help. Thank you.
From August 22nd – Turning Towards Love
When I first wrote about the “musical tumors” and my feelings of extreme vulnerability, I had no hopes of easing the monumental pain and fear I was experiencing.
Writing about my feelings helped me to express them, and then feel them.
Being seen, known and loved through reading and feeling your exquisite comments helped me to shift from the temporary abyss I felt I was in. I literally felt your words lift me up and out. Thank you.
And those of you who call, text or show up- it means the world. And if you’re one of the beloved souls reading & witnessing us here, I feel those mighty waves of love too.
There is so much space for all of us to be how & who we truly are.
John emerged from the caverns yesterday and was glowing in his bed and sharing the insights he has gained from the experience.
His tiny semi private room had been transformed by the absence of a roommate, who had been moved out to another larger room, and John was able to have the door closed and the lights out, and rest deeply. I had asked the nurse the night before if this would be possible, and it was. Another reminder to ask with love and no attachment, and see what comes.
The plan now is for John to come home tonight! I’ve loaded in the food & the flowers and the love.
We will both provide the ongoing love, joyfull solutions and feelings expressions in this new situation and environment of our familiar home.
We are both so uplifted with everything that you share. You can post comments here, and you can also call the Inspiration Line at 415 546 3742. I regularly and joyfully listen to those messages and receive your love and wisdom~ thank you.
SARK (Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy)