The abbreviated version: We’ve changed our wedding date & here’s what I learned and experienced about it. Also how you might apply these learnings to your own life.
Dear Love Beaming Brightly,
When we planned our wedding for April 4, we consulted with our hearts and calendars, and because I’m me, our astrologer.
I wrote a blog post here, inviting you to save the date and attend our wedding by livestream in your pajamas.
We still like this idea.
All was well.
It was to be a lunar eclipse, which felt perfectly suited.
When our friend Val, who is going to officiate said to me, “I just think that date is going to move,” I practically shouted into the phone, “How can you even SAY that! It’s all set!” That is the worst thing you could say to me now.”
She apologized and said she’d tried not to say it, but she felt it…
On a hike that day, I brought up the subject with John, and we discussed the possibility of changing the wedding date and why we might want to do so.
After turning in the first draft of our new book in the beginning of the new year, Succulent Wild Love: Six Powerful Habits For Feeling More Love More Often, we had both manifested some health challenges- minor ones, but a bit consuming.
As we started editing our great big beautifull book, I began to feel pressured by the fast approaching date but didn’t even consider changing it. (I’m a recovering overachiever who sometimes unknowingly assigns myself WAY too many things.) I’m also excited by life, fun opportunities and wanting to do EVERYthing, and often all at once.
I had a huge inner critic attack that told me it would be a failure to change our wedding date. It would be a “bad sign.” It would show that I was “scatterbrained,” a person incapable of commitment. “People will think we’re just making excuses and secretly don’t want to get married” (Inner critics are ruthless when they see an opening or weakness. And believe me, there were even more accusations.)
I first began to realize that something might be amiss when friends would simply ask, “How is the wedding planning going?” and I felt like screaming in response that there was no time, no time at all.
It began to feel that our wedding was being impossibly wedged in between everything else, but I just kept surging forward, unwilling to even consider the possibility that it might feel good to just move it.
On the hike with John that day, we briefly considered it, and came up with some solidly practical reasons why it wouldn’t be good or easy to do so- family traveling, bookings made, etc.
And we decided it was just easier to keep the same date.
The next day, I recounted these reasons to Val, and she calmly refuted every one of them. (She’s good like that.) I just sat and cried on the phone with her as I finally gave myself permission to: just. change. the. date.
After my conversation with Val, I talked with John about it, and kind of shyly brought up the subject (various inner critics were still active), and he just simply said, “Sure- let’s change the date.”
When I replied that I didn’t want to set the new date until it organically emerged, he said,
“That sounds perfect.” (He’s good like that.)
And we wrote an email together letting close family and friends know about the change.
Of course everyone was supportive,
enthusiastic and understanding in response.
All the ways I wasn’t being to myself.
It felt like SUCH a relief.
About a week later, I briefly tried to set a new date that was also not quite right.
I realized pretty quickly that I was doing the same thing again- choosing the date from the place of the problem (pressure) instead of the place of the new solution (joy).
I want a wedding date and wedding that feels easy, joyfull and serendipitous– the way I live my life most of the time.
And since I live my life in the “marvelous messy middle” I know that life isn’t always convenient, or perfectly timed, or without difficulties or annoyances. It’s often surprising, sweetly nourishing, deliciously unknown, and wildly rewarding.
I also know that when I select the best kind of timing and conditions for me and my particular idiosyncrasies, it always works out so much better.
I’m claiming “so much better” now with our wedding date selection too. I’m allowing my inner wise self to be in charge and not the inner critics.
I’m taking a stand and a lie down:-) for my choices being made from a place of loving, intuitive knowing and trust, instead of PUS (Pressure, Urgency, Scarcity) or FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt.)
And as John and I solve and resolve any health challenges, complete our book, and teach what we live and practice, we will welcome reminding ourselves that we are exquisitely guided at all times- as we ALL are- by our inner wise selves and knowings, and divine timing.
And when my beloved sister-in-law Jennifer replied to our changed date email, she said the best thing ever to us,
“I’m saving the future for your wedding.”
And so, we shall.
And we shall advise when the organic timing emerges from a place that is LIT (Loving, Intuitive, Trusting) from within.
SARK (aka Simply Allowing Radiant Kindnesses)
Dr. John Waddell (aka fiancé of SARK)
Dearest Luminous Life Loving Soul,
In this photograph from our engagement party, I’m swooning over the words that were being spoken, and John is moving faster than the camera can capture;-) As I wrote about in my last post, John and I are getting married in April and……
********** You Are Invited ************
Save the date of April 4, 2015, at 1:30 Pacific time, to attend our wedding by the wonders of technology. It will be via video, so you can attend in your pajamas;-))
You can also watch it later on, in case you’re out surfing or otherwise occupied.
Since it’s a Succulent Wild Relationship, it will be a Succulent Wild Wedding.
Instead of vows, we’re having WOWS.
It will be filmed in our home, in our kitchen, with about 20 of our dearest friends in attendance, along with 2 Labrador dogs- who of course are in love- and several spectacular children. Our apartment is on the smaller side, and the love is on the larger side, so the house will probably levitate.
Who knows what will happen! Our friend Valerie is officiating, and the ceremony will be, shall we say, uncommon.
John and I are just finishing our new book, called Succulent Wild Love: Six Powerful Habits For Feeling More Love More Often
And of course you’ll be hearing more about that and invited to join us in some very innovative ways too.
Getting married at 60 was the LAST thing I envisioned doing in my life. Of all my adventures, experiences and times, this kind of love and loving is, and has been, the most remarkable to me.
Here’s to the uncommon, the unlikely and the understandably unplanned,
SARK (aka Supremely Astonished Really Knowing)
Dear Love Beam,
Our very creative & extraordinary friends (as all good friends are;-) gave us an engagement party. Thank you to Amy & Rob, Val & Joseph, Clark, Jonah, Karin, Russ & Linda and every endearing soul who attended and participated.
From the moment John & I arrived, we knew it was going to be a very special time. They had rented a bouncy house made of color crayons!
They had also prepared a giant book in advance- by mailing it back and forth- filled with spectacular & creative pages that each person had contributed to.
We’re still finding special tidbits within the pages.
Songs were written for us and performed with such love. In case you didn’t know, we are affectionately referred to as Mr. & Mrs. Wonderfull.
Here’s one of those songs- a 1 minute love story by our friend David- with lyrics:
We were also honored at the party by a circle of love- where people spontaneously shared what our love has meant & means to them. People’s expressions were so tender, bold, funny and endearing. They filled our hearts & made our hearts bigger.
It was a lot to receive and experience, and I’m/we’re still digesting and absorbing it all.
I wanted to share the love with you, so you could add it to your beams of love.
We’re getting married in April, and you’re included in a very special way. More about that in my next Adventure Post in the New Year.
Astonished by love,
SARK (aka Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy- Wonderfull)
I’ve been using the description Inner Love to represent Self-Love and your relationship with your Inner Wise Self, and Outer Love to represent our relationships with others. It is so much easier to navigate relationships with clear meanings and simple concepts. That’s why I’m using Inner Love and Outer Love.
Inner Love is absolutely the foundation necessary for successfull Outer Love Relationships. When you combine the powerfull Three I concepts – Inner Feelings Care System, Inner Critic Care System, and Inner Wise Self Activated and Empowered – you have the awareness necessary to distinguish what’s happening Inside from what’s happening Outside.
* You can use the Inner Feelings Care System to be aware of how you feel, and then tend to those feelings by expressing them effectively. This results in having more positive feelings more often.
*The Inner Critic Care System helps you be aware of critical inner dialogue and transforms these critics by allowing them to express. This results in you feeling good about yourself most of the time.
*Your Inner Wise Self Activated and Empowered is having a connection with the part of you that’s unconditionally loving and wise. This results in you having a giant ally or mentor at your side who will guide you in transforming your life in every way.
On that foundation, you can acknowledge your Inner Feelings and allow yourself – and your partner – to each be your own separate, self-loving person.
And that’s the first piece of having what it takes to build a Succulent Wild Relationship.
You can learn the principles and tools to have the Inner Love and the Outer Love that you truly desire in the new program John and I are teaching together – Succulent Wild Relationships.
Go HERE to find out more…
When I first met Susan, someone mentioned that she had worn pajamas on airplane flights. Susan has written a great deal about the value of napping and lounging—taking the time to nourish yourself. So when we were thinking of an easy way to remember the principles of nourishing a relationship, we came up with the acronym PJS.
S stand for the fact that in any relationship there are separate individuals, and that it is important to understand and respect each other’s boundaries.
The word Separate may seem ironic when talking about relationships, but there is tremendous benefit in remembering that any relationship is made up of distinct, valuable individuals.
Sometimes we can get so exited about the nourishment of being with a partner, taking care of a child or being in other kinds of relationships, that we don’t pay as much attention to the value of our self-care. A good relationship actually starts with Self love.
Each of us has boundaries of respect, privacy and activity. Inviting someone into your boundaries is a privilege you give them. In a Succulent Wild Relationship it is a privilege that never changes to a right that your partner can use to “tame” you or limit you.
J is to remind us that we can always find joyful solutions, that compromise and sacrifice are waypoints along a path to finding the best outcome—and we don’t have to stop at these waypoints.
Most of us were taught that relationships require compromise: a certain amount of sacrifice is necessary when entwining one’s life with another. Everyone gives a little (or a lot) so agreements can be reached. And then they move on.
What we’ve found is that the most important factor in finding joyful outcomes that feel good to everyone is that you believe you can. If you believe the furthest you can go is compromise, then you’ll stop there. If you believe in scarcity—that for you to get what you want others have to have less, then you will stop there.
As you begin to expand your thinking, you’ll find new possible solutions. When Susan and I do this, we almost always create something that neither of us had thought of before, something even better.
P stands for the fact that that each of us is perfect and perfectly lovable, just as we are.
Once you know you have the right and power to be treated with respect, to have your privacy and to go on with your own life as you see fit, once you know you can find solutions that meet both you and your partner’s needs—then you can go on to the next step, which is to see your partner as Perfect.
This doesn’t mean you don’t have preferences. We all have preferences. What it means is that the choices of the important people in your life do not—cannot—keep you from getting what your want.
Many people have lists of frustrating things about significant others, themselves and other people. What we’ve discovered is, if you don’t find a joyful solution with someone, each of you can find one on your own.
When you can create a joyful outcome without requiring your partner to change, you’re free. And if the issue is within yourself, when you can find a solution that doesn’t require you to change to be okay, you’re free. And from that perspective of freedom, you can see your partner and yourself as perfect.
So these are PJs that you wear mentally—principles to live by in relationships. And when you do, like when you physically change into PJs, your outlook and what’s possible changes. When you begin to apply these ways of interacting, those around you begin to respond differently too.
There’s more—much more—and it’s all possible when you learn and practice these principles. I know, because this is the experience in my relationship with Susan—and all of our most important relationships.
I’m excited to have the opportunity to share these ideas and tools with you. You deserve to have the nourishing relationships you truly desire—and you can.
Go HERE to learn more about the program Susan (SARK) and I have developed.
So many things change throughout our lives – I was looking at a picture of myself as a little girl recently, and I started thinking – that’s me. Really, the “me” that is here now is the ever blossoming “me” that was inside that little body.
It’s incredible when you think about it – through all the changes in our lives, our physical bodies, our thoughts and emotions, there’s also something that has existed through all the years, all the transformations, all the lessons.
And when I think about what else has been a constant, I realize there’s never been a day in my life when I haven’t been in relationship. My very first relationship was (and is) with that part of me that never changes – the part of me that’s “me.”
There have been and are countless relationships throughout my life. Of course, my relationship with my parents – my mom, Marvelous Marjorie was such a huge, wonderfull, sometimes annoying and loving relationship. My relationships with my brothers – each so very different. Relationships with my business partners over the years, the mail carrier, and the person I strike up a serendipitous conversation with just crossing the street.
Relationships permeate our lives, and can be a source of so much wonderfull brightness, and sometimes they are the source of pain. And it’s always our choice about how and what we think about our relationships.
I’m now in a truly miraculous relationship with my partner, John. It is like no other relationship in my life. It’s easy to think that it’s because I’ve finally found “the one.” Really, it’s because of who we each choose to be, and the tools we use and practice daily.
We call it a Succulent Wild Relationship, because it’s built on the foundation of our self-nourishing even as we also nourish each other.
We want everyone to have a Succulent Wild Relationship with themselves, and a partner if they wish, and we have a unique opportunity for you to join John and me as we teach the practical tools and principles that can truly make any relationship Succulent and Wild.
Go HERE to find out more…