I traveled from my home in San Francisco to Boston to meet my new lover and soulmate David for the first time on Sep 2. He had called my Inspiration phone Line on May 20, and we began our love relationship for many months- only by telephone.
We had decided that our first “date” would be a 2 week spiritual honeymoon- that we would skip the wedding and go straight to the honeymoon and have an “all honeymoon” relationship as much as possible- which includes ALL of our feelings, in this marvelous messy middle place called life.
I believe that there are always angels all around, and I met two of them the moment I sat down in my seat on the plane. Sandy & Bob have been married 56 years, and were seated right next to me.
I shared everything with Sandy about how David and I met, and my nervousness and excitement about meeting him in person for the first time, and about how it was newly dawning on me that our first date would also be two weeks of living together! Then her husband Bob joined in to our wildly intimate conversation.
Sandy and I spontaneously hugged many times and cried together too. The three of us bonded on all sorts of subjects, and I felt that they were helping to deliver me to my new life experience-on the first leg of their trip to Ireland.
After I got off the plane I called David, and he was in baggage claim waiting for me. A few moments later, I descended on the escalator and saw him right away.
It felt like my heart actually leapt toward him. We swooned into each other’s arms and embraced while we laughed and said “I love you” and just stayed that way as a mob of people seeking their luggage kept squeezing past us- and we couldn’t stop swooning.
Here we are together for the first time, about 5 minutes after we met.
We both felt like we were intoxicated- and I’m sure we were- but we somehow got the luggage and made it to the car for the drive to his home.
David had prepared his lake home as our honeymoon suite, by asking me in advance for a specific list of all of my favorite foods, favorite sheets, towels, scents and everything he could think of so I would feel exquisitely at home. He’d even stocked the refrigerator with all my favorite organic fruits and vegetables.
We’d planned that I’d have my own bedroom. He also offered to rent me a car and let me know about hiking trails nearby. We had discussed having together time and separate time, as we’re both writers and creators who appreciate that, and wanted to create our honeymoon to also be a creative retreat.
He’d replaced the chlorinated water in his hot tub with Bromine, and ordered my favorite enlightened board game- the Transformation Game- so we could play together. The stage was set for 2 weeks together without work, for 2 souls to truly commune.
And he hadn’t only readied his home for me, he’d readied his soul. We’d both been getting ourselves ready to meet, by practicing being and living the kind of love we’d always wanted.
He had written love letters in his journal to his soulmate several years before, as if they were already together. He also wrote beautiful love letters from his soulmate to him. Those letters sounded as if I had actually written them- the letters to him, were my letters- same spellings, and intonations. It is truly uncanny.
He made a series of audios to give to his soulmate when she arrived, and I’ve received the first one- which is remarkable- it’s him, talking intimately and deeply to me- years before meeting me.
All of these experiences showed me his commitment to experience and express love, and inspired me deeply to do the same. After John left, I wasn’t sure that I could open my heart so intimately again, and his willingness to do so, caused me and my heart to bloom forward hugely.
I’d brought him gifts of bright markers- he’s a writer and artist of life who creates and puts up colorfull signs of affirmation in his home, and writes them in neon markers on his windows and mirrors to help him embody positive uplifting messages.
He even put signs on each stair leading up to the second floor, which he calls the “stairway to heaven.” As he ascends the stairway he takes in each truth one stair at a time- and also has signs facing the other way, so he can read those going down!
I’d also brought one of my favorite children’s books to read together and one of my divination card decks to play with.
As marvelous as all of our time on the phone had been, the physical was- after some adjustment to actually being physical- even better.
And yes to the holy in person orgasms! And breakfast in bed, canoeing, hiking, hot tubbing on the deck, long talking and SO MUCH LAUGHING and creating.
We floated around together in a kind of earthly honeymoon heaven for a day or two, and then descended right into what I describe as a transformational cauldron- in the form of his being triggered by some business things, and withdrawing and becoming distant.
We didn’t seem able to talk about things in a way that we always had before. I felt uncomfortable and like he needed space. I also felt alone in a way that caused me to begin thinking of leaving. That then triggered all sorts of other things for us both, and we found ourselves floundering.
Thankfully our foundational basis of trust had been established over the phone for the past few months. So we shared “microtruthfully” about our experiences and feelings- first on the phone, from separate bedrooms – and then on a long hike through the woods- as we navigated the form and ways of communicating we wanted our relationship to take.
Of course this is the highly abbreviated version here- it felt at the time challenging, scary and not at all easy.
We agreed that I would stay, and that we would continue on our spiritual honeymoon, and that of course “transformational cauldrons” are part of that.
We settled into an easy new rhythm of writing in the mornings- and not seeing each other until lunch- which gave us both nourishing time for ourselves.
We then took a hike in nature together, and had plenty of time for lovemaking, cooking, playing, laughing, being- with plenty of both solitude and togetherness- my favorite combination, and David’s favorite too.
We continued sharing vulnerabilities and microtruths, and established even deeper intimacies.
My last love relationship with John had been like the best of being soulfully single- only better- and I knew I wanted that, or better with David. We created our version of that in this beginning of our time together, and recommitted to bringing ALL of ourselves to the relationship, and working through whatever comes up together- this is the “real life love story” part.
It’s also a commitment to use all of our feelings to create even more intimacy, which John & I wrote about in our amazing book, Succulent Wild Love.
I very reluctantly went home after 2 weeks as planned. During our month apart, we felt closer than ever, and I’ve now returned to his lake house for another 2 week visit (our second honeymoon!).
I’m also going to meet his parents and more of his family, while we continue our creative retreat- writing together and separately.
He’d like to move back to California soon, and the San Francisco Bay Area is looking really good to him- and to me. Amazingly, he had thought about moving back before he met me, and he also has family and friends in the area.
Who knows what forms and shapes love will take?
I’ve wondered about writing and sharing all of this publicly, just in case we don’t stay together in the same form we started with- as if that’s some kind of measure of “success.” I then reminded myself that the true success for us all is that love comes again, no matter what the form or length of time.
I also want to inspire those who wish to explore romantic- or other kinds- of love with another soul, to consider going inward, outward, forward in new ways, and take risks for, and with love.
David and I are committed to living the “all honeymoon life” together as much as possible, and that includes ALL of it- the marvelous, and not so marvelous, messy middle- and alchemizing the terrible and wonderfull things into a brand new healing mixture for ourselves and for the world.
I’m so glad and gratefull for every moment of love coming again, and plan to be as present as I can for all of its messy magnificence.
And of course I’m writing all about it, and will share my new book when it’s ready. It’s called:
Living Wonderfull: The Surprising Gifts of Terrible Things*
*and how to alchemize it all
Thank you all for traveling along and compassionately witnessing and celebrating my experience and being in my life!
I’ll be writing and sharing more of my love adventures too– let me know if you’d like to read them, and what parts have inspired you the most.
Here is my Inspiration Line number, which is free to call 24 hours a day, for the last 25 + years, at 415 546 3742.
I invite you to share this number with anyone who you feel would benefit from hearing it.
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Dear Liberated Soul,
Amazing things are always growing beneath the surface, and I forget that all the time.
I have been reminded of this lately by these tiny purple flowers peeking out of a cement crack near where we often park our car.
I see these flowers and smile with the recognition that benevolent, wonderfull, sweet, unexpected nourishments are always growing and that I can expand my capacity to see them.
I can focus on the expansions at least as often as I focus on the contractions, and learn to navigate between the two, and not feel completely crushed by inner critics when I’m in a contraction period, and not turn away too soon, or fear it disappearing, when I feel and experience those expansive times.
It’s a living art to practice in these ways- to live in the sometimes marvelous, sometimes messy, middle of life.
Here are a few ways I practice:
- I utilize various forms of energy medicine, EFT, free form yoga, what my friend Edward and I call “Transformational TV” viewing, and lying down in the grass.
- Sometimes I just lie quietly breathing.
- Or following my flowing energy and allowing the world to provide miracles and constant reminders of our abilities to feel, to love, to be alive in my cells.
How do you navigate between contraction and expansion in your life and care for yourself in both? Please share with me here.
I’d love to read & respond to what you share.
With both wings of expansion & contraction operating like birds wings,
SARK (aka Susanly*)
*my friend Leslie recently wrote this when I asked for her support about something I was creating. She said “Do it in a SUSANLY way.”
What’s YOUR unique way? I want to know.
Dear Dad Appreciator,
For Mother’s Day/month, I sent out an email called Moms in Tutus.
So here’s my friend Clark, dad to Jonah, wearing my rainbow tutu.
When I asked him if I could share this photo, he texted back,
“Absolutely. I am proud to wear your tutu.” He’s good like that.
Then I remembered what my dad said after I published my poster called Just For Mom.
“Honey, what about the dads?”
And I explained that I hadn’t yet written a poem for dads.
For years, almost every time I called or visited, he asked me where that poem was, and I replied that it didn’t exist and that I wasn’t even sure I could write it.
He and I had experienced a lot of personality challenges as I got older, and he was a traveling salesman, so wasn’t home very often.
Then one day he called me, and said,
“Honey, I’ve just been diagnosed with cancer, so I guess I’ll die now before I see that dad poem.”
No pressure there. I went right to my juicy pen and created something called “How To Forgive Your Father.” After I finished, I felt scared to show it to him, because it wasn’t just all “nice.”
When I finally shared it with him, he loved it. And he paid it his highest compliment, saying to me,
“This is fantastic honey. I’m going to get this laminated. “
(Because according to him, that’s what you did with art you planned to save.)
He was a procrastinator, so he never did laminate that art.
The day of his funeral, my younger brother Andrew and I stood at the copy shop, laminating that poster.
I read it at the service and tucked a paper copy into his suit pocket.
Maybe someday I’ll make that poem into a poster.
Meanwhile, I published it in my book Succulent Wild Woman (page 63)
Here’s to all the dads, dadding around in tutus and loving all the moms and the children.
Here’s to all the dads that have died or left or didn’t know how important they were.
Here’s to all of the dads.
SARK (aka Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy)
Dear Rambunctious Creator,
Sometimes we just need to run away.
During the thick thickets of creating our new book on a completion schedule (I’ve opted out of the word deadline- it sounds oppressive;-) John & I realized that we were in danger of imploding.
It didn’t appear that we had any time to just take off and run away, and then it became clear that we didn’t have time NOT to.
I was up very early, and began searching for somewhere for us to run away to for the day.
My criteria were pretty simple:
Good food, good environment, good mood. Somewhere new where neither of us had been.
Somewhere where people would take good care of us.
I found a resort about an hour away and reserved a table for lunch.
He asked for the name for the reservation and I said,
“Wonderfull.” To which he calmly replied, “With one L or two?”
When I said two, he said, “You are definitely coming to the right place.”
As we drove through vineyards and rolling hills (why are they always rolling?) we drove into an estate out of time. It felt like a kind of Brigadoon- an imaginary land that might disappear in and out of the mist. There was a hobbit like glen of green & pine trees and a croquet lawn in the distance.
We sat on their white porch and ordered food that arrived festooned with edible purple flowers and a server who wore a tiny silver angel wing in each ear.
While John was in the restroom, I commented on her earrings and asked if she appreciated angels, and she said enthusiastically,
“Oh yes! And did you know that your husband is an angel?” I replied that I did, and asked her how she knew.
“Oh there was some jagged energy on the porch and as soon as he arrived, everybody calmed down. You can see his angelic energy immediately.” I agreed.
John returned and we sat blissfully on the porch, sharing an imaginative chocolate desert and then wandered off to see what other miracles might develop.
We found ourselves on a steep yet friendly hiking trail, and just started walking and visioning and appreciating the land.
Later we curled up on some down couches in the resort lodge and shared some lemonade & cookies.
We drove away from the estate, feeling utterly refreshed and restored-from running away.
Running away could also be running toward. Hmmmm.
I’ll ponder that.
What kinds of things do you do to refresh yourself?
SARK (aka Susan)
p.s. If you feel like running away without leaving home, we’re offering a virtual reTREAT for writers and creators for the whole weekend of June 26-28. You can see your invitation here and pop UP your creativity and sense of fun. All levels of writing & creating welcome.
The abbreviated version: Life Happens & what you can do about it & our new book is almost DONE & you are delightfully invited to our free Love BEAMS community mentoring call on Thu/4 June 5:30pm PST
Dear Miracle Finder,
This glorious flower face was one of my healing views as I recovered from dental surgery over the past few weeks.
Life (and dental work) definitely happens, and it often feels messy and inconvenient! It certainly didn’t fit in with our book completion schedule.
I’m glad to say that I’ve healed well and upgraded my health in general. And our wonderfull publisher and team at Planet SARK accommodated our book schedule changes- and the book is beautiFULL (you’ll see it this fall!)
I’m offering you 3 grace notes for any healing times you might be experiencing or when “Life Happening” might be feeling messy or inconvenient;
1. It’s really not personal (whatever it is)
This one is always challenging for me, since I tend to take most things personally. I remind myself that it isn’t personal, being done TO ME. It may be happening to me, and I can choose to see it as an assault- or some kind or a happening- and that I can give that happening a positive meaning just as well as a negative one.
2. It will change or end (whatever it is)
Of course you know this, and you might forget, so I’m reminding you;-) and me.
3. Whatever is happening can be shifted by you (whatever it is)
The shifting is in your mind. It really is an inside job. If you look at “what is happening” and react with fear or resistance, it will feel worse. When you can positively shift, even a little bit, how you experience what is happening, there is room for love and grace and miracles to pour in.
Let the pouring begin!
We’ll be sharing our wisdom and insights in Love BEAMING and mentoring with you in our free Love BEAMS call on Thu/4 June, and you are most delightfully invited. Bring your “Life is Happening” questions and we’ll provide answers and perspectives.
SARK (aka Susan) and Dr. John Waddell (aka John:-)
p.s. Join John and me in our free Love BEAMS call on Thu/4 June at a new earlier time of 5:30PST to 7pm. Go here to sign up (you’ll then receive the recording to listen to later too.)
My Very Dear Creative Spirit,
It sometimes seems that life gets in the way of our creativity, when actually we’re the ones deciding to live our lives in distinctly less than creative ways.
I was reminded of this while creating 175 pieces of original art for our new book- on a schedule, with all sorts of “real life” subjects entering in.
These subjects included some health issues, business challenges, and periodically feeling really discouraged about the amount of work and the feelings of pressure about the timing in which to do it all.
And it’s really challenging when you TEACH what you are then experiencing the opposite of 😉
I’m so glad that I’ve always chosen to be transparent about what I’ve learned and what I’m still learning.
As my friend Val says, “Some things are just plain hard.”
And some things are.
How we experience that level of hardness and what we creatively do and think about during those times is entirely up to us.
And the creativity and creative ways of thinking are always there!
We just need to open to new ways of seeing and acting.
Which is the LAST thing I’m drawn to when I feel stressed or pressured.
And of course I also know that there are joyfull solutions that I can create. And I frequently am able to create them- even during stressfull times.
Here are a few other ways to allow new kinds of solutions to emerge during times of stress, overwhelm or pressure:
- Locating whatEVER will take the pressure off- even briefly- and doing less, or doing whatever it is just “good enough.”
- Quitting. Just stopping & quitting.
- Exploring what kind of feelings you DO want to have, and then finding a way to provide those feelings for yourself- in even tiny ways.
When I practice shifting my energy and attention in these kinds of ways, all kinds of new solutions pop up in all kinds of unexpected creative ways- people appear to help, someone makes me laugh at just the right moment, the world presents little signs that remind me that all is well.
We can create all kinds of new things when we practice responding differently to circumstances of life and of living- they will appear like beauti~full flowers.
What are you creating in your life? How do you navigate both living and creating?
SARK (aka Susan)
p.s. if you are creating new things and would like support and inspiration to do so, we’re offering a brand new virtual weekend reTREAT called SARK’s Pop Up Writing & Creating Retreat and you can see more about it here
You might know that I wrote a whole book about napping called Change Your Life Without Getting Out Of Bed.
I created this book because I was so often feeling crabby and overworked. I still sometimes feel this way.
I’ve learned that when I feel good, I do good. And that when I feel rested, I feel better.
Of course it isn’t always or often possible to just stay in bed, but it IS possible to do what I call “change your moods like clothes” and take what I describe as “micro naps.”
It IS possible to change your thinking to better support what you’re doing, rather than what you say you don’t want.
The photograph is of one of my “virtual mentors.”
Her name is Irene, and she’s 81 years old. She runs races and wins most of them.
This photo of her reminds me to “rest in the middle.”
So, I’m reminding you.
How’s your resting and napping ability? What deeply or briefly relaxes you?
Let me know below, and I’ll include your suggestions in another post about napping and resting.
Nap on! (or rest in the middle)
SARK (aka Susan)
p.s. you are GLORIOUSLY invited to rest + play + learn with us in our free Love BEAMS mentoring call on Thu/4 June 5:30-7Pm PST sign up here and you’ll also receive the inspiring recording.
Dear Wildly Liberated Everybody,
This is especially for everyone who isn’t a mother of physical children. For everyone who wanted to be, but didn’t or couldn’t. Or wanted to want to, but just didn’t.
For everyone who never wanted to be, but sometimes wishes there was a holiday for them too. For everyone OTHER than and in addition to, the wonderfull mothers.
For everyone who helps mothers mother, and everyone who is behind the scenes for all the mothers and the children, and those that love them. For all the godmothers, aunts and uncles and all the mothering with animals too.
So here’s to a new holiday I’m calling Other’s Day, and of course it fits for Mothers too, because they are not only mothers mothering.
And here’s to the never mothers who relish the idea of being an other
and the others of EVERY description who didn’t fit in, or didn’t play a role that everyone could see or understand.
Here’s to all of us unique, illuminated, astounding human BEANS, bouncing along and BEAMING our love, no matter what day it is, or what it’s called.
Happy Other’s Day makes me smile, so of course I wanted to share it with you.
SARK (aka Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy)
p.s. We have SARK poem blankets on sale right now here for Other’s Day:-) Happy Othering!
Dearest Fun Appreciator,
I am celebrating ALL THE MOMS doing fun and funny things with themselves, their kids and partners, for Mothers Day and every day.
In honor of all the moms and those that love them, we are having a great SARK blanket sale here with Just for Mom, How To Really Love a Child, Loving is the Whole Point & well, we couldn’t resist – the whole collection.
I love turning my art & words into blankets, and these blankets are the best ever. Bright colors, machine washable, 100% cotton & the perfect napping weight.
This is me and one of my favorite Moms wearing tutus in Las Vegas! I can’t say more about it, because of course it was Las Vegas;-)
Her name is Kathryn, and she’s the mom of my sister in law, Jennifer.
Jennifer actually made us these tutus and gave them to us for Christmas, in a giant box.
We had NO idea what could be in a such a giant box, and tore open the wrapping paper and screamed with absolute delight to find 2 multicolored tutus inside.
We immediately wore them out to dinner, and of course can’t say more about that either, because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas- except of course our tutus!
My mom Marjorie (aka Marvelous Marge) was known as the “fun mom” in our neighborhood and church. In fact she let me wear pajamas to church! She was an early Succulent Wild Woman.
What fun mom memories do you have of your mom or a mom? I’d love to know.
And of course it’s all a mixture – a marvelous messy middle of every feeling.
Here’s to having Tutu Much Fun,
SARK (aka Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy)
p.s. The blankets are here for you at a very special price for moms day & moms month! (why just have a day?) So you can’t be late if you’d like to get one!
Dear Luxurious Soul,
April is my birth~day month. And here I am starting out at 1.
And here’s a birthday candle that my goddaughter Vanessa gave me, to delight me, and it does.
I started celebrating for the whole month a number of years ago.
I did it at first to have more opportunities to celebrate, AND also now to allow for all of the marvelous messy middleness of life. (The auto correct just changed that word to middlemess:-) which is also accurate.)
It is so very MESSY being a human bean.
There are so many moods and feelings, and that’s just inside ourselves!
Not to mention the other people…..
John and I are deep into the final edits and art creation for our new book, Succulent Wild Love, which you’ll be hearing all about later.
Meanwhile, we’re in our “Creative Cove,” which sometimes has choppy waters!
I have also had wonderfull experiences and birthday celebrations all month and intend to continue.
During this time, (and every time) I am reminded of that poster that says Stay Calm and Carry On- it always calms me, and I love all the iterations of it that are out there.
One of my favorites is;
Stay Calm and Carry On Writing.
And so, I shall.
What soothes you and reminds you to keep going? Let me know in the comments and we’ll celebrate together. Or, if you have birthday wishes for me, feel free to let me know! I created a new Inspiration Line message too, and you can call me at 415 546 3742.
Your very own SARK bean,
p.s. for those of you who might have planned to see John & me in June in Chicago, our plans have changed. Stay tuned in for other opportunities to see us in person- we’ll be letting you know what those will be!